It took me five years to learn how to do a headstand. Five annoying and frustrating years. I had strong arms muscles due to genetics (thanks mom!) and a steady core. I had already worked on my flexibility for a few years. There was no reason for me NOT to be able to do a headstand.
Every time it was time, I would slide up against the wall for support, invert my body, and throw my legs up into the air with wild abandon.
Every time, I would hear my teacher sigh loudly in the background.
She would get down on her mat, far far away from any wall or support, and gracefully lift her legs up into the air. Weightless. The legs just floated as if of their own accord.
When I compared my body to hers, I could see that I was stronger. I was younger, more energetic. The math didn't add up! How could it be possible that I could not do this pose without endangering the drywall with my wildly thrashing legs?
Five long years...and now headstand is my favorite pose. Here's what I learned along the way:
We come to the yoga mat not only to build strength and flexibility in the body but also to work with and work through patterns and habits that show up in our lives.
There are several layers of the "body". Every philosophical system describes them differently. I tend to think of the layers as: physical (our physical body), emotional (our emotions), mental (our thoughts), and spiritual (our connection to something greater than us).
We often come to the yoga mat thinking that we are only working on the physical layer; however, if this were true, I should have been able to learn headstand within a few weeks. My physical body was completely capable. On the contrary, I had many lessons to learn before headstand became available to me:
- Fear - I never attempted headstand away from a wall. I was scared. What would happen if...(fill in the blank). This was a pattern engrained in my emotional layer.
- Force vs. Grace - I felt all actions must be forced. I did not understand the idea of allowing energy or ideas to flow. I attempted to push my body into what I wanted it to do. This was a pattern in my mental layer.
- Trust/Belief - I was impatient, to say the least! I had no trust in myself or in my surroundings that headstand would show itself to me in the right timing. This was a pattern in my spiritual layer.
Headstand did not come to me until I started to unravel some of my patterns. I'm not trying to tell you that I have reached a state of perfection in these patterns (yikes - just the idea makes me want to topple over) but headstand required me to acknowledge and understand that these patterns were present. Slowly, day by day, practice by practice, I started to feel the patterns and get to know them. I now practice headstand with complete joy. It is the first pose where I worked through all of the layers of being and stuck with it long enough to see results.
Yoga is a profound practice that impacts us on all of the layers, not just the physical one. If you are struggling with a pose, you might start asking the questions that will lead you to understanding all of the elements involved. Notice the emotions and the thoughts that arise in different poses. All of this is part of yoga. We start with the physical body but - if you are willing - the other layers of being are just waiting to be discovered too.
As stated in the Bhagavad Gita: "Yoga is a journey of the self, through the self, to the self." Within that journey you are sure to find frustration, but you will also find some buried treasure.
Priceless.